How to Manage Grief and Loss Over the Holidays

(KNSI) — Whether it’s recent, or it has been a year or two, medical experts are passing on their knowledge to help those grappling with the loss of a loved one this holiday season.

Central Minnesota Mental Health Center Chief Clinical Officer Dr. Steven Loos explained time heals many wounds, but the first year without that family member or friend is always the hardest. “We might be ten months removed from our loss, but now we’re having a series of firsts, and any first is really difficult in the grieving process.”

The grief caused by the loss of a loved one can be different for everyone and can be broken down into controlled and uncontrolled grieving. “Controlled grieving is when I get to decide to think about someone that was so impactful in my life. It might bring up happiness. It might bring up sadness, but it’s my choice. Uncontrolled grieving, which is much more typical early on in our process, the grief controls us,” said Dr. Loos.

When someone is experiencing uncontrolled grieving, Dr. Loos says they may want to think about something enjoyable or connect with their family, but the grief pulls them out of it, and they can’t focus on anything else.

Loos adds it’s best to think about how each person attending a gathering wants to celebrate or work through any ‘firsts’ without a loved one. “It’s harder in those first couple of years to try to come to an understanding. And oftentimes you’ll see, both individuals and families come to a little bit different place where we can share a funny story or a touching story about an individual who we’ve lost.”

Acknowledging feelings of sadness or being overwhelmed can help, too. Allow those emotions to be felt and not suppressed. Loved ones can also be remembered by creating new traditions, such as watching a favorite movie or making that person’s favorite dish, but try to find a respectful compromise for how the person will be talked about if others are still having trouble.

Remember to take care of yourself. Grief can be exhausting. Get enough sleep, eat well and try to get some exercise. If you need help dealing with your feelings, ask for help, reach out to a trusted friend or a mental health professional, or seek a grief support group.

Above all, Dr. Loos says to lead with kindness and love when talking with others you know are dealing with a difficult time.

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