How to Deal With Grief and Loss During the Holidays

(KNSI) — Dealing with a loss any time of the year is hard, but the holidays can be more challenging for some.

CentraCare Health Psychologist Rachel Delaney Geier says if you’re feeling the loss of someone close to you, you’re not alone. “I’m often telling my patients it’s not just the most wonderful time of the year, it’s also the most sorrowful time of the year because there’s all these memories associated with the holidays and they tend to be bittersweet, so a renewed sense of grief is just super common during the holidays.”

She says there’s no timetable for getting over a death. “Grief is the other side of love there are two sides of the same coin and that love doesn’t go away so that grief doesn’t go away so it doesn’t matter how much time has passed it doesn’t really matter how close or far you were from that person if their love was there the grief will be there.”

Delaney Geier also says to lean into grief by facing it head-on instead of trying to avoid it. She says the best way to do that is to honor them somehow. “It might be creating a ritual to honor your loved one, whether that’s watching their favorite holiday movie, lighting a candle for them, or maybe even writing a letter. And if those memories bring laughter, it’s okay to smile. If those memories bring sadness, it’s okay to cry.”

She also says to focus on self-care by ensuring you get enough sleep and limiting alcohol use.

She says the best way to support someone grieving during the holidays is to ask that person about their loved one and their time together. Avoid using the term “at least” when talking to someone dealing with a devastating loss. Please don’t say, “at least they’re not suffering. At least you had several good years together, etc.” Mental health experts say such statements minimize a person’s feelings and can leave them not feeling validated.

Also, make sure you’re aware of how they’re managing their grief, how stressed out they are, and how sad they are and understand many times, they’re putting on a brave face. Take the appropriate steps to reach out and connect. Invite them for coffee or tea, or bring them flowers or their favorite treat. Sending a card with a heartfelt note can go a long way, too.

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